Autistic people, energy accounting, and boundaries

In my day job, I talk to a lot of Autistic people. I mean a lot of Autistic people. One of the most common questions I am asked is how to better account for limited reserves of energy and cognitive resources. The answer sounds deceptively simple, but in reality, it can be a really complicated practice. I’m talking about the creation and maintenance of boundaries in Autistic people’s lives.

Why are boundaries so complicated for Autistic people?

As Autistic people, we have grown up in a world that doesn’t care for our boundaries. We are taught from a young age that our needs and wants do not matter and that we should live our lives for the comfort of others. This attitude is most pervasive when we look at the high rates of trauma in our community. We also can not forget the effect of being late-identified and the role of intergenerational trauma.

For many Autistic people, our earliest memories are of people denying our sensory needs, invalidating our communication styles, ignoring the very…