I've Been In Recovery 10 Years Today

10 years since I turned my life around

It's a bizarre feeling looking back and realising that your days of active addiction were a decade ago. In some ways, I feel like that story is about a different person; in truth, I much prefer who I am now. Yet, seemingly when I least expected, that particular aspect of myself rears it's head and I am reminded that the man I knew ten years ago was, indeed, me.

What Has Changed In The Last 10 Years?

I think the biggest change has been my shift away from constantly blaming myself for who I was. By the age of 18 I had been beaten, abused, exposed to death in graphic ways from the age of 7. While my mother is a wonderful woman who has supported me lovingly my whole life, thr sad truth is, we can't stop the world from hurting our children.

My first suicide attempt was at the age of 10.

I share these upsetting anecdotes with you because I want people to understand that my acquired neurodivergence, my addiction, was the result of a hostile ecosystem. Some people might think that my work to describe community ecology is just an exercise in intellect and academic privilege; but it's not, it was born of my experience. To release these ideas in the world allows me to absolve myself of the internalised sanism and ableism I cultivated around my being.

I am not a bad person. Yes, I have done bad things, things that people would recoil from me when hearing, but that part of me, it wasn't a fair representation of who I am. It was a David so desperate for survival that he bulldozed through everyone in his path to do so.

I still live with some guilt and torment over who I was back then.

Who Am I Now?

Something I realised about three years ago is that as fast as I come to know myself, a new David is growing. My Self is Chaotic. Shifting and changing with each and every interaction with the world around me. I am a function of my ecosystem. Therefore, who I am is a person who has cultivated an ecological home where it is easier to remain in recovery.

If I had to point to one single thing that has made the last 10 years possible, it was my mother's and sister's unwavering support in getting my autism diagnosis. That diagnosis opened a world for me that was unbelievably life changing. Without my neurokin, I would not be here. The Autistic community, alongside my family, both the one I was born to, and the family that calls me Dad, have supported me during the times when it seemed as though the storm would win.

Thank You

I want to thank people like you, dear reader. No matter to what degree we may pray not know each other, the mere fact you are reading this means we are connected. Those connections form the intricate ecosystem I exist within; the one that has saved my life.

10 years ago, my family sat down to plan my funeral. Now, aside from liver cirrhosis and some other complicated physical and mental health, I am surviving, thriving even. That is why I created NeuroHub Community. I want to do more for this community. I want everyone who comes to me to feel the love and support of their neurokin. Even if it helps just one person, i am happy to have helped.

I sat down to write this unsure of what I would write. It seems I had more to day than I thought I would.

Thank you, everyone, and may you all find some peace.

I am running a raffle where the winner can get two signed copies of my books, and they can choose the books! Tickets are £10. Don't forget to email me once you have paid so I have your contact details if you win! david@neurohubcommunity.org

Also, do not forget to book tickets to our Autistic Mental Health Conference. It gets closer by the day and the speakers are being announced as I write this!