You’ve Realised You’re Autistic – Now What?

Charting Your Path to an Informed Autistic Identity

Increasing numbers of people are realising they’re Autistic, or receiving a formal diagnosis, later in life.

Greater awareness – and a wider understanding of the many different ways in which Autistic experience manifests – are resulting in people recognising themselves and undergoing what can amount to a fundamental shift in their identity and self-concept.

It can take a long time to reach a point of acceptance and self-compassion, particularly where people have held pathologised views of autism and seen it as a negative and a disorder rather than neurology that is neither inherently good nor bad.

Even after a formal diagnosis, very little support is automatically offered to help people to process this potentially seismic change. When I was diagnosed Autistic I received some signposting resources and a few psychoeducation webinars – which is more than most people seem to get.

Where support is offered, its quality varies hugely. Outdated, pathologising and harmful narratives are often still pushed.

So, what might be a helpful path to take when you’re identified as Autistic – whether diagnosed or not? When governments treat us as a burden and the press drown us in stigma, getting informed and embracing being Autistic can be an act of resistance.

Tigger Pritchard advises people who discover their neurodivergence to

“find your well-informed neurokin as soon as you can.”

Tigger is a neuroaffirming advocate, consultant and trainer, and he happens to be the first person I reached out to after realising I was Autistic. I thoroughly agree with his suggestion, and entering what I’ll call ‘informed Autistic spaces’ has started me on a journey of self-understanding, unlearning, growth, and connection that I’m grateful for every day.

If you’re reading this then you’ve already found some of these spaces and started on a potentially lifelong journey through the Autistic Rhizome. Which turning to explore next is down to personal preference and the resources available to you, but there are more choices now than ever before.

Communities

I’ve found Autistic spaces to be beautifully non-hierarchical in a way that is hard to find in neuronormative society. Many people who are well-known and have a profile within the broader Autistic sphere are accessible and can be engaged with directly and meaningfully through social media, email - and in many cases via their own communities such as NeuroHub.

I’m enjoying the more personal and connected nature of these communities compared to social media groups (some of which can still be a helpful way to access information). They provide the opportunity to directly discuss ideas and research with those advocates who are creating or interpreting them – in NeuroHub’s case David Gray-Hammond, Helen Edgar and the guests they invite – as well as other Autistic people who are at different points in their journey and bringing their own unique lived experience to the discussion.

Communities can feel much safer than the wider internet as a place to ask questions in forums; connect; share personal experiences; learn from one another; feel validated about struggles; and celebrate wins along the way. It’s also more likely that outdated and pathologising information will be helpfully challenged and deconstructed when it comes up.

The addition of live, interactive Zoom presentations, & support and social events adds a deeper layer of connection than many alternatives such as Facebook groups.

One-to-one support

Though it often requires more resources, one-to-one support in an informed Autistic space can provide something uniquely tailored to you. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, mentoring, or peer support, there are options catering to almost every identity and experience.

As a counsellor and therapist, it’s a huge honour to spend my working days helping Autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people to explore and make sense of their neurodivergent experiences; to examine and restory their past in light of their new knowledge; to unpack neuronormativity and internalised ableism; and to build a life that works for them.

The one-to-one spaces I’ve access for myself have helped me in ways I never conceived, and continue to support me to learn about broader Autistic experiences and my own Autistic identity at a much deeper and more personal level.

Media and Structured Support

Whether you prefer to get your information through books, videos, podcasts, articles, or elsewhere, there are high quality, neuroaffirming options out there in amongst the sea of pathology and neurodiversity-lite. However, if you’re new to exploring Autistic identity it can be hard to filter the well-informed and neuroaffirming from the pathologising, ableist or outdated. I attempt to support with this each month via my Neurodiversity Newsletter which rounds up and signposts to some of the newest neuroaffirming content.

Helen Edgar, Meghan Ashburn, and Kieran Rose have all produced helpful book lists that remove the guesswork.

David and Helen’s ‘Restorying Autism’ workbook and NeuroHub’s ‘Embracing Our Autistic Selves’ course are examples of structured support options which walk you through steps to build a positive and well-informed Autistic identity. If you appreciate getting everything in one place via video or written format, and want reassurance that it will be Autistic-affirming and up to date, then options like this are invaluable. The interactive element of the course and community discussion can also help you connect with others on the same journey.

In person events

Well-informed Autistic events are rarer in person due to the realities of geography. While online informed Autistic spaces attract people from many different countries, physical options can require substantial travel to access unless you happen to be fortunate enough to live near a particular group or event. If you enjoy in-person connection they can definitely be worth the effort and give you the chance to meet and talk with others directly.

Some events, such as the upcoming Autistic Mental Health Conference, offer hybrid options so you can attend in person if you wish, or online if that’s more convenient.

Friendships

I’m privileged to be working in the neuroaffirming online space with other neurodivergent people. I recognise that this has allowed me to connect with other Autistic therapists and advocates in a way that isn’t necessarily as easily open to everyone. But as you connect with other Autistic people, perhaps through some of the avenues outlined above, you may well find yourself developing friendships and connecting directly with others who are also learning about Autistic identity and their own place within it. Friendships with well-informed neurokin can be some of the most healing and meaningful of all.

Jade Farrington (she/her) is a UK-based NeuroHub community member who works online as a disabled and neurodivergent counsellor and therapist. Jade writes at https://jadefarrington.substack.com